We Need to Address Some Things

I decided it was bright to bring up a few topics, these being the infamous cliches of the world. While I always thought of many of these lines to be a mouthful of platitudes, at 18 years old I've realized just how important they are, when you actually understand what they mean and begin to apply them to your life. These may not be "scientific" or even provable and you may gloss over a few but I can wholeheartedly tell you that changing a negative, self-pitying mindset could be one of the best things you can do for your health.

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#1. Admit when you're wrong.

I know its hard, it feels bad to be wrong. Most of us have too much pride to ever acknowledge our screw ups, especially to someone else. There are many modern psychological terms for what it means to know what you are doing wrong but not wanting to admit it because it comes into conflict with what we believe. First investigated by Leon Festinger, cognitive dissonance refers to a situation involving conflicting attitudes, beliefs or behaviors. For example, when a person knows smoking can lead to cancer but they choose to do it anyways, they begin to fall into a pit of cognitive dissonance. We have such a drive to hold all of our beliefs near and dear to us together in harmony that when there is an inconsistency with that we believe to be true and what we are actually doing we become uncomfortable, irritable and bitter. One of the only ways to change this is to A.) eliminate the thing we are doing that don't align with what we believe, B.) create new beliefs that align with our negative actions or C.) convince ourselves that it's better to continue what we are doing wrong because we're happy and we don't care. The choice is yours, you can admit your mistakes and become better for them, strengthening your already established beliefs or you can choose to hide them under the rug and hold on to those guilty feelings.

#2. Life can suck sometimes.

Focus on the things that you can control. Often times we can't help the way that others react to life and to us. While we can help how we choose to react and what we make of each situation, it's not easy persuading another to do the same. Sometimes it's better to let the people stuck in their own ways untangle themselves, and that's a hard truth. We cannot, in any shape or form, directly change the way another person chooses to act. As much as we want to be the person to help them, most of the time they aren't asking for help. This may go against our very nature and every thing we believe, but the people too overcome with fear and pride are often times the ones who refuse to change, even when it's in their best interest.

And then there are situations that are completely out of our control, like the weather or Gandhi dying or the black plague. These are the situations that we have to come to terms with, the types of scenarios where we get to decide how we will respond, either with bitterness or benevolence. Often times we convince ourselves that we just have bad luck, that when it rains it pours, but the question you need to consider is whether or not you are inviting these negative things into your life. Nobody is immune to bad things happening, we can't avoid loss and upset but what we do have a choice in is whether or not we want rise like a phoenix out of the ashes or drag ourselves back down into a hole of gloom and negativity.

#3. Care. But not about everything.

A lot of the day to day things that we stress about are not going to matter a year from now. When I feel especially stressed or worried I ask myself, "Am I going to remember this a year from now?" Most likely the answer is no. Always remember the big picture. Do not waste your precious time giving one single you know what about what anybody else thinks of you. Imagine how amazing that would be., if we lived like we didn't care what others thought. It's easy to say but it's hard to do. Other peoples' opinions motivate every move we make, especially at younger ages. Of course it's part of our instinct to care, but when we begin to realize that seeking others approval will only fill our lives with things that we didn't want in the first place, we are able to live authentic lives and surround ourselves with genuine people.

While almost everybody deals with anxiety, reminding yourself of simple mental notes can go a long way. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is an example. The central idea behind it is extremely simple: if you change the way you think you can change the way you feel. I know it is easier said than done, but taking a few moments when you are feeling especially stressed or anxious and evaluating what you're feeling can go a long way. Changing you're negative mindset can have whirlwinds off affects. A book I recently picked up, called "Feeling Good" takes you step by step through what it means to recognize negative moods, deal with guilt and hostility, and replace it with a healthier way of thinking, overall becoming a better version of yourself without the negativity.

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Another one of my all time favorite books is, "You are a Badass" by Jen Sincero. Picking up this book I thought it would be another lame self-help books preaching about what it means to love yourself and spread kindness, but it's far from that. While Sincero talks about the importance of changing the self-sabotaging ways we think, she introduces ways to create a life we love and how to use our own energy to the best of our abilities. Not to brag but I think I have found one of the best hard truth books in the world.

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